(Above: a daguerreotype of President James Knox Polk by Matthew Brady)
Me1: Well, hello, 11th president of the United States, James Knox Polk.
Me2: Is that... a mullet?
Me1: I always thought they were a 90's thing, and not a 19th century thing.
Me2: What did he say to his barber? "I want it presidential in the front, but party in the back"?
Me1: Maybe that was his campaign slogan!
Me2: That sounds like something a power bottom who works in the corporate world would say. Besides, he doesn't look like the partying type. At least not in this photo.
Me1: Ooof. No, no he doesn't.
Me2: I wonder if he thinks that dead-eyed vacant stare makes him look deep, because, no.
Me1: Seriously, he is giving off serial killer vibes.
Me2: I wonder what the photographer said to him when he posed for this.
Me1: "Look like you're a character in an Edgar Allan Poe story" is my guess.
Me2: This is just all wrong.
Me1: HEY! Maybe we could start a rumor that, after his presidency, Polk traveled to England and became Jack the Ripper.
Me2: That... honestly, that wouldn't be the craziest Ripper theory out there.
Me1: Oh wait, he died in 1849. Jack the Ripper was active in the 1880s.
Me2: Please. Facts don't stop conspiracy theories. Clearly, when he "died", he was actually cryogenically frozen, only to be revived in the 1880s. This experience totally unhinged him, and he became the Ripper. See... easy.
Me1: Huh. Sounds good! I'm in! I mean, this isn't any crazier than conspiracy theories people actually believe.
Me2: So... we're running with it?