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For LJ Idol: No Comment

One day, I was meeting a few friends and fellow grad students at a coffee shop to go over notes for a particularly difficult class.

Danielle, one of the members of our little study group, walked over with her coffee just as I was getting out my notes. She had this stricken look on her face, and I could tell we were not going to get much studying done.

Classmate: Danielle, what's wrong?
Danielle: Steve (her fiancé) cheated on me.
Everyone at the table: That's awful.
Danielle: I just don't know what to do.
Clasmate2: Well, we're here for you.

--- The whole "let's console Danielle" thing continued for a few minutes. I was silent.

Danielle (turning to me): Don't you have anything to say?
Me: Nope. Everyone else said it better than I could.
Danielle: I can see that you want to say something.
Me: You've known me for two years. I always want to say something. But I'm not going to.
Danielle: Everyone else is being so supportive...
Me: Do not push. You do not want me saying anything right now.
Danielle (getting more upset): I just want you to be honest.
Me: Okay. Here goes. This is the third? fourth? time that he's cheated on you. I'm not sure you get to be surprised about it anymore.
Danielle: I...
Me: You know he's going to. He's made that abundantly clear. Why are you still with him?
Danielle: He said it was an accident.
Me: AN ACCIDENT? Did he trip and fall into her vagina? I admit that I'm gay and, therefore, don't know, but I'm pretty sure that that isn't how straight people have sex.
Danielle: We're in love!
Me: With each other? Because I'm not convinced. I don't think he has any respect for you.
Danielle: I...
Me: And I'm not sure what you get out of this relationship. Is being alone that scary?
Danielle: I... you... (she picked up her things and walked away)
Classmate: That was... unpleasant.
Me: (shrugging) I told her not to push.

Danielle and I made up about a week later. She also forgave Steve, who cheated on her again a few months later. She knew better than to ask me how I felt about it.

She eventually went to Belgium (I think) in one of the university's graduate exchange programs, and we completely lost touch.


The truth hurts, and for many, these lessons are hard to learn.

You can be honest with me anytime!

Great take on the prompt.
Thank you!

Silly gay person

Of course one can accidentally have sex.

However, as the old saying goes about just about anything: "once is an accident, twice is a coincidence, three times is a pattern."

Or, to put it another way: "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me; fool me 3-4 times, I'm a f***ing idiot." (In this case, 'f***ing' is both literal and metaphorical.)

Re: Silly gay person

I can understand forgiving someone for cheating once.

Maybe even twice (though I doubt that I would).

But more than that? Oh, no. Dude is gone.
Thank you!
You were so tactful at the beginning, and that must have been hard given that your friend was being such an idiot. We just didn't know how much of one.

This is the third? fourth? time that he's cheated on you. I'm not sure you get to be surprised about it anymore.
Oh, for crying out loud! Why was she even still dating that guy?

I read an article once that said men and women can miscommunicate because women often want to vent about their problems, and men think they're looking for a solution. Well! That was a revelation to me-- if people complain to me about the same issue more than twice, I tend to expect them to either solve it or stop whining about it.

I told that to another female engineer, whose response was, "Is THAT what's going on when my mother does that?"

If you keep repeating the actions that bring you pain and refuse to do anything about them, I'm eventually going to think you just like drama. :O
Danielle struck me as one of those people who would rather be part of a couple than be alone.

She certainly put up with WAY more than I would have.
There is something about your entries that always makes me smile. You are a great chronicler of human foibles. Danielle must be desperate to grasp at "accidental" cheating. Too bad she wasn't able to accept your advice. I assume she was getting enough out of that relationship to make her want to stay in it, but it is difficult to imagine what.
Thank you!

Danielle... I think part of it was that she wanted to be ina relationship so much. Also, lots of friends were pairing off (and some getting married) at that point, and I wonder if she felt pressure to do the same.
Talk about denial! She should have listened when you said you didn't want to comment.
You would think that people who know me would know that when I say "Back off", I'm serious.

You would be surprised.
Sounds like you did your best to avoid the drama...She pushed, and you were honest.
I try not to do the whole "honesty as a weapon" thing (and I don't think I did it here), because that's a really douchey thing to do.

But, yeah, don;t ask me to be completely honest and then complain about the level of honesty you get.
You did warn her, there is a reason it is called the ugly truth and really nobody does want you to be honest, they just want to feel good. Well Done.
It was frustrating because I liked Danielle.

She could be a lot of fun. But this relationship was just a constant, slow-moving train wreck.
Well, actually you were telling the truth that Danielle didn't want to hear. Sigh. Sometimes being a friend is saying the hard things rather than supporting a behavior that is destructive.
A friend of mine once said that no one turns to me for comfort, but when they need cold, hard truth, I'm the best person for the job.

I can;t disagree with that.
Did he trip and fall into her vagina?

That could be the best line ever!

Great read! Great truths!
Thank you so much.