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dino head

A grave situation-- for LJ Idol

In a previous entry, I described my feelings about my father's people. Here is part of why.

Dad, in a fit of alcohol fueled paranoia and depression* shot himself in the head in Illinois while we were 600 miles away.**

While my mom and my father's people didn't get along, they were told where the viewing and the funeral mass were going to take place.

Mom said that shivers went down her spine as my father's people, led by my father's mother Kitty -- who was already roaring drunk-- came in.

Mom had reason.

Kitty first screamed at my mother, accusing her of murdering my father.

IF that wasn't enough, Kitty started in on the funeral director. She demanded that dad's casket be open, so she could see him one last time.

Yes, she knew that he shot himself in the head.

At one point, she tried to open the casket herself, and only stopped when my grandmother (my mom's mother) threatened her.

At that point, Kitty kept saying horrible things about my mom (she was a whore... she stole dad from the church... she was a murderer... that sort of thing), but she toned it down.

Meantime, my father's people stood by and did nothing.

The next day, at the funeral, Kitty started up again. In church. During the funeral mass.

My Aunt Mary, mom's sister completely lost it, and in the middle of the service, walked over to Kitty, who was still ranting, punched her in the face and threw her up against the wall.

It was so bad... Aunt Mary had Kitty pinned against the wall and was punching her... that my cousin Alan, who was studying to be a priest, but was not one yet, had to come down off the altar to separate them.

At that point, my father's people were thrown out of the church and were banned from the cemetery.

When my family went to the cemetery, guards were actually placed at the entrance, to prevent father's people from interrupting, or doing anything violent and/or stupid.

At that point dad was laid to rest.

I do not know if dad's people ever visited his grave.

However, this was just the opening salvo in Kitty's war against us. She tormented my mom for the next year.
*I do not remember my father, this is information from other family members. To my knowledge, my father did not leave a note, so we don't know what he was thinking,
** Mom sensed danger, and kept myself and my brother and sisters away from all of this. We stayed at home, babysat by relatives, while all this went on.

Mom made the right call.
This is for LJ Idol -- the topic is "possum ran over my grave"


I did not find out he killed himself until was in my 20's, which I understand. I (and my siblings) were all too young.

Yes, Kitty was special.
I am so sorry about your father. I cannot imagine how devastating that must have been for you and your family. Kitty's behavior (including afterward) could only have made matters worse.
This is just the start of what Kitty did.

I do not know all the details: I don't remember much from this period and mom really does not enjoy talking about it, but serious ugliness went down,
So tragic! That sounds horrible. Your Mom must have been a very strong woman.
Yes, yes she is.
Well, at least your Aunt Kitty is awesome.

I can't imagine-- your father left your mom and his four kids in a horrible situation, and his mother decided to pile on to that tragedy, including at the funeral mass? Wow.

You might have been too easy on them when discussing those family members with your work colleagues. :O
I don;t go into detail with my colleagues. They don't need to know. But you have a point.