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LJ Idol: Brushback

When my parents got married, my father was in the armed services, so, my mom, at eight months pregnant with my eldest sibling had to move. My father's parents lived near the base, so they lived there until he could get housing.

My father's mother, Kitty, was.. um... how do I put this delicately?... a paranoid, delusional, alcoholic asshole.

That covers it.

Kitty firmly believed that my father was destined to be a Catholic priest, and kept right on believing that until after the third child was born*.

So, Kitty never liked my mother. As a result, this was going to be a tense time for everyone.

Well, Kitty walked into my parents' bedroom while mom was unpacking. At this point, mom was putting clothes away, including my father's underwear.

Kitty was horrified... HORRIFIED... that my mom was touching her son's undergarments.

At first, mom was surprised. I mean, really, of all the things to freak out about... Kitty chooses THIS?

Then, she tried to reason with Kitty. Have you ever tried to reason with someone who was drunk? If so, ou already know that it didn't go well.

That night, Kitty (and my grandfather) hosted a party, so the neighborhood could meet their daughter-in-law.

During the entire party, Kitty kept making snide remarks about my mom handling dad's underwear.

Mom laughed it off the first time, then warned Kitty to drop the subject.

Kitty did not. She said it one too many times, and my mom finally looked at her and said, "I am eight months pregnant with your son's baby. I PROMISE you I've touched far more than just his underwear."

Mom said this loudly enough for everyone to hear.

Kitty never discussed the subject again.

A little public embarrassment can go a long way.

*Kitty later convinced herself that none of us were her grandchildren, but that's another story.


That was a great come back!

I pity your poor mother! She managed the underwear issue perfectly, but I'm sure she had many more battles to fight. Having to live with an evil mother in law must have been miserable.
With a mother like that, I wonder how you ended up so sweet, shy, and demure.
*Claps* great comeback :D Good that she didn't hesitate to retaliate.
The right words, at the right time, at the right volume, with the right audience. Precision!

Kudos to your mom *thumbs up*

Zingo. Very nice and concise.

I relate very much to this story simply because it's similar to my own life experience. "My Father's Mother" is exactly how I refer to that hateful woman, and even from a young age I knew she didn't like my mom or me. There was never an embarrassment in front of a crowd for her, though. Might have done some good, but probably wouldn't have.
Your poor mother! Great come back though! xx
Thank you for your entry!
I feel for bad for your mother and you guys having a grand mother like that. At least it sounds like your mom handled the situation as best she could. Thank you for sharing this story.
Kitty firmly believed that my father was destined to be a Catholic priest, and kept right on believing that until after the third child was born*.
Hoo, boy. Though the footnote for this was even more classic!

Your Mom had some chutzpah, and that was the kind of public smackdown Kitty apparently needed.
LOL! I think your mother might just have been a saint. That is most definitely a brushback pitch!

Alcohol has such power to transform people into the worst caricatures of themselves...
I feel your Mom's pain. Nicely done! Hug and peace~~~D
My father's parents used to tell my mother all the time that the only reason my brother and I had so many surgeries was because she kept taking us to the doctor and demanding they operate.

His mother threatened to stop talking to us when my brother got a pacemaker put in at 12 years old because "That manipulative bitch of a mother managed to coerce the surgeons to put in a pacemaker when one wasn't needed."


That is a hilarious comeback your mother had. You're right - a little public embarrassment really can go a long way sometimes.
This is one of those stories that are so much fun to read, all the while being aware that they would be infinitely less fun to live. I'm so glad your mom got that dig in though. It was beautiful!
HAHA your mom had a great comeback!
Good for your mom!